Disagreements and occasional rough patches are a normal part of healthy relationships, especially those that have lasted a long time. However, when should couples consider seeking the help of a therapist?
According to Svea Wentzler, MA, a pre-licensed marriage and family therapist at A Better Life Therapy in Philadelphia, therapy can benefit all kinds of relationships. It provides a safe and confidential space to address both strengths and weaknesses in the relationship. Additionally, a therapist can identify patterns that couples might not be aware of, offering valuable insights.
Beyond the stereotype of therapy being a last resort to save a failing relationship, there are various reasons why couples might seek professional help. Here are some common issues that couples therapists often encounter:
1. Lack of Trust:
- Alyssa Calderon, LMFT, from North Brooklyn Marriage and Family Therapy in New York City, notes that trust issues, particularly infidelity, are common concerns. While rebuilding trust isn't easy, therapy offers a safe environment to address underlying issues and decide if the relationship can be salvaged.
2. Major Life Changes:
- Therapy can be beneficial when couples are facing significant life transitions, such as getting married, starting a family, or becoming empty nesters. Vanessa Bradden, LMFT, of Lakeview Therapy Group in Chicago, emphasizes that therapy can help couples navigate these complex changes.
3. Unproductive Arguments:
- Wentzler mentions that while conflicts are normal, many couples struggle with resolving issues constructively. Therapists can teach couples effective communication skills to address concerns without causing harm.
4. Feeling Unappreciated:
- Amanda Craig, PhD, LMFT, highlights that feeling undervalued or ignored by a partner can lead to emotional distance. Therapists can guide couples in reconnecting through simple gestures like maintaining eye contact and expressing appreciation.
5. Lack of Excitement:
- Shavon Gaddy, LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, points out that long-term relationships can sometimes become predictable. Therapy can help couples rediscover excitement and intimacy in their relationship.
6. Money-Related Tensions:
- Financial issues can be a significant source of stress in relationships. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, suggests that therapists can facilitate constructive conversations about money and uncover underlying issues affecting financial discussions.
7. Boundary Issues with Family:
- Setting boundaries with intrusive family members can be challenging. Gayane Aramyan, LMFT, specializes in helping couples find a balance that respects both partners' needs and boundaries.
When to Consider Couples Therapy:
While therapy isn't necessary for every couple, it can be beneficial when both partners are committed to improving their relationship. If you find yourselves repeatedly arguing over the same issues or keeping significant secrets, therapy could be a valuable resource. Wentzler emphasizes that unresolved conflicts and betrayals can cause lasting harm, making professional support essential for healing.
In conclusion, seeking therapy doesn't indicate failure but rather a willingness to invest in and fight for a relationship worth preserving.
